Diplomacy 101

Let me tell you a little story about a dude I know named Will.

So as predictable as the sun rising in the morning, he was stopped walking home on Friday night from his friend Jose’s house. He knew it was coming too. There were 2 officers at the corner of Mao Tse Tung and Vladimir Lenine which is exactly 1 block from his flat. He rounded the corner and he was greeted with, “Boa noit!” and then the inevitable, “Onde esta um passport?” (Where is your passport?)

He rolled his eyes and pulled out his wallet to provide him with a copy of his passport.

Officer, “But this is a copy. Why don’t you have the original?”

Will, “You know why I don’t carry the original. Because someone may steal it.”

Officer, “But this copy is falling apart. Why?”

Will, “Because this is the 9th time I’ve been stopped by you and your Officer buddies.” [He knows he shouldn’t get smart with Officers but most of it gets lost in translation with them anyway so they don’t get offended. Furthermore, they know it’s the truth]

Officer, “You should know better by now to carry your original passport.”

Will, “My original passport is at home. If you want to see it you can come to my home.”

Will can pretty much script out this entire conversation by memory since he has been through it so many times.

He asks, “But we need to see original.”

To which Will responds, “If you want to see the original, we can go to mi casa (my home) and you can see the original.”

Officer, “No. We go to the esquadra (station).”

Will, “Ta bon. Vamos. (Okay, let’s go)” They start walking up Mao Tse Tung towards the Esquadra across from Will's house. As they approach the Esquadra the Officer starts negotiating.

Officer, “You don’t really want to go to the station. Just give us a refresca (drink).” By now Will is too tired to argue with him.

Will, “Okay, wait right here (they are infront of his flat now) and I will grab us a drink.” He goes up to his flat and grab 4 drinks. One for him, one for his Guard, and one for each of the Officers. They all enjoy drinks under the moon light. Cheers ;)

By the way, the “guard” is referring to the security guard that is at the entrance of Will's building. Pretty much every store, house, office, apartment building has a security guard around the clock that stands guard (and occasionally sleeps).

Disclaimer: The above tail is a fictitious account of what a volunteer in Maputo, Mozambique may encounter.